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Rugby makes everything better.

  So, lately I've been pretty busy with interviews... lol, Isn't it funny how I was breaking my butt filling out interviews and showing my face at random restaurants and only to find out that several call for an interview in the same week?!?! So I basically took 2. So somehow I have to find a way to break my schedule for two jobs. Which I don't mind doing because I'm basically on a hiatus right now. So it is kind of whatever. And to top it all off, my cousin Amanda had me join her Rugby team! So I've basically been trying to get fit again in the last 2-3 weeks. Now I'm on the Philly Women Rugby Football Club-- and its so awesome! The funny thing is (well its not so funny) that I'm the youngest on the team!! When I first met these women, I swore that they were my older cousin, Amanda's age (she's about to turn 25) But they are actually in their late 20's early 30's. Guys, let me please tell you that they look like they are still in college. Lol and they are so cool. I do have to say that Rugby is a hard sport-- all about the team work and talking. Anyway, this weekend (Friday morning-tomorrow) we went to Savannah, Ga for the first tournament of the season. It was so awesome. I have so much fun. And my coach is friggen awesome. He's been playing all his life and its like everyone is a big family! 
  Let me just say that my first experience out in the field in a real Rugby game was like mind blowing! It is completely different from practice, reading the game rules, or watching it live! It was like Ready! Set! Action! These women are brutal! We actually made it second place. Which is OK anyway, because the team that beat us in the last round usually beats us in our regular season more than 50 pts. This time (I didn't play in the final round because it was to intense and I'm an amateur lol) we kept them lower than 20. Which is huge (or so all the girls said). Welp-- second place I'll take. Still, it was friggen awesome! 
  The only thing that was a bummer is when the girls wanted to go to the bars, but I couldn't because of my age. But it was cool because all of our hotels rooms were stocked with beer (Plus Amanda went back with me). Bottom line, I still feel like a liability. Which sucks because I've waited so long to be 18, for it to basically mean nothing. It is so frustrating! ... It is cool in the hood though because I can drink with the girls when we are at someone's house, but I just can't go to a bar -___- Like I said-- a little upsetting to be a kindergartener and then waiting to be at the top (6th grader), just to be a 7th grader and start over. And then make it to eighth grade-- just to be pushed down as fresh meat in 9th grade.. THEN.. I make it to Senior Year-- and I'm a boss! 18 was the number to be... no... no.. not anymore! lol That number mean  nothing in the real world. All I can do is wait until 2014!!! lol! Anyway they are calling me upstairs.. waiting for the bus! Wish me a safe ride back to PA! :D

Enjoy me,

annietommie

New Episodes for week of 2/19

American Idol (wed/ thur)

I never thought I'd be that girl that would swoon over a candidate from American Idol.. but Phil Phillips is def one to swoon over! I think I haven't tripped over an musical artist since my obsession with Adam Levine and Gerard Way !! I'm def voting this season

Survivor (wed)

Oh. My. Gosh. Are those girls serious?!?! They would rather keep stupid Kat than someone who is experienced in these types of situations?!?! And I know the only reason some of them voted to kick Nina off the Island is because they didn't want to be the odd one out.. Sorry Nina.. that is just the game :/ Would have loved to see your strong personality more on the game. Now I feel like all the young people are going to kick of the minority like the older ones and Sabrina.. you know because that's just how things work on reality shows. Minority is always first. And this is coming from a person on minority.

Face Off (wed)

Yes!!! Stupid Tara was kicked off! Yes! Finally! Now, next-- cocky Becky! How dare Tara and Becky pick on Sue like that.. If you can tell, I'm always for the under dogs :) As for Jerry, he should of went. He had so many chances to prove himself and I feel like he actually kicked people off by staying. Some contestants still deserved to be there :/

The Office (thurs)
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! (wait for it.......) WHOA!! Kathy is a home wrecker! Thumbs up to Jim for using innovative ways to kick her out the room. I knew something was fishy when the camera man caught her 'sad' face when Jim said he was going to bed.. I knew something was going to happen. Then Tadda! She comes into his hotel room with PJs on.. then takes a shower.. IN his ROOM! I was ecstatic! I found it hilarious.. but I was still squinted my eyes and said "home wrecker". Pattie said she was a "Professional Home wrecker". The way she got all defensive when he accused her of doing something.. and then she tries to snuggle with him.. smDh. Jim is happily married.. NEXT

The BIg Bang Theory (thurs)
Ooooh how I feel bad for Amy Farrah Fowler! She wants love so much from Sheldon :( But Sheldon is so anal. He's like impossible! Going to the hospital to visit your barber for selfish reasons isn't normal Shelly.. gosh don't you know? lol Love that show. Oh also-- Howard's mom being in the bathroom even before Bernadette showed up was priceless.. 

Archer (thurs)
Sterling never lets me down! He's so hilarious! I swear, Sheldon Cooper is to smart for his own good and Sterling Archer is to horny for his own good. I'm telling ya-- they are both terrific at what they do, but boy can they be idiots. My favorite episode of this new season of Archer is definitely between his mom plotting the French mans death or the Birthday ep. Priceless.

Tosh.0 (Tues?)
Can I just have a side note and say that I can't even watch Daniel with my sisters and father anymore?!?! His videos are getting so raunchy. Not that I don't think its funny.. well kinda.. I just feel like the show used to be for teenagers and up. Now I feel like it should be 17 and up. He puts things on the show now that have NO business being TV-14.. Can you imagine the periods of awkwardness with my father.. I mean C'MON .. Tosh put a video of people touching each other in public... I don't even understand. Things were find your last seasons, no need to change. It just makes your audience a little picker (my opinion)

Amazing Race
Is that coming on this Sunday? I dunno-- but Brendan and Rachael or on from Last summer (and the summer before that) Big Brother (aaahhh fav!) And this chick is always whining. I don't really like tunning in when there are so many teams because it is so much to keep track of. But maybe I'll start from the beginning this year ^.^

The Voice (Sundays)
Christina is being extra picky. And she's getting on my nerves.
Adam is still as sexy as ever!
Cee-lo is just so cool!
I feel bad for Blake sometimes.. he is usually the last pick unless he buzzed in first :/

Dance Moms (Tues)
I only watch this because my sisters like to watch it when they do their homework.
Abby is crazy. (nuff said)

Justified (tues)
I feel bad for Raylan because his wife is having her little problems. Show is still really good. Sucks that he was pulled into more drama because his father doesn't pay much attention to who he lets use their property though.

Top Chef: Texas (wed)
I can't stress how much I wanted Bev to be in the top. Like I said, I love the underdog. *shrug* I like rooting for the people that everyone picks on! Anyway, I hope Paul wins :)

Basket Ball Wives/ Mob Wives/ Atlanta Housewives
All extra.. they are currently boring me lol plus my mom watches them.. but whatev! lol

Bad Girls Club
I swear.. those girls are so stupid.. Those twins were supposed to rule, but instead they have become little brats. Very disappointed.

Last.. but NOT least:
The Walking Dead (sun)
Let me keep this short, because I will go on forever.
First off, I'm happy that Hershel is keeping them on the camp 'for the time being'.
I understand why Glen is upset-- but C'mon Son! Did you have to push yo' guurl away like that?!?!
Why did Lori put all those thoughts into Rick's head at the end? I can see that that's going to start some shizz!
The Big Problem: To let the kid stay, or send him with a gun on his way. FIRST of all-- I would have killed him when his little buddies left him 4 dead! Rick, Hershel and Glenn could have got themselves killed. Now geeks are swarming the town area... They should have shot the kid. Period.
What else?.. Oh yeah Lori really didn't think going out to get her husband. What did she think was going to happen? If he never came back.. clearly he was dead! Did she think she was going to save him or something?! She not only put herself at risk-- she put her baby and Carl could of hypothetically lost two parents. She was dumb for trying to play super hero.. Like who would.. ?!?!?!
I feel bad for Andrea. I feel like Shane is kind of using her? I dunno. We'll see (or I'll see considering some of you read the GN).
Oh yeah, how could I forget? Carl wants to name the baby Sophia if its a girl. I wonder how Lori will take that in when she thinks about it.
When is T-Dog going to have a defining role? I feel like he is just 'there'.
Poor Daryl :'-( If you would only let Carol at least sit in your company-- maybe you would feel better! He is so stubborn. I understand though. Everyone has there way of dealing. I just hope it doesn't effect anyone right now. Carol seems like she knows how he truly feels.
If you don't watch WD then tune in!!!

I think that is it for the week. Hope I didn't miss anything. Though I do wish I could tune into 'Lost Girl' more often. Hmm maybe I'll catch up on that.

Enjoy me,

annietommie
This is a fair warning. For what you are about to read isn't what normal people do-- or in my case did. What I have is called PICA. It is something you may have heard of and for some if you are interested in something new, I would like to share ^.^

Read more about my strange addiction as a Teen. Read with cautionCollapse )
Never interested in glue, hand sanitizer, dry detergent, or paint chips as these are very common occurrences.

I did relapse on the 'bigger addictions' that my psychologist was trying to ween my off of: Foam, paper and the shells.


Of course when I was doing these things, I didn't think anymore was watching. When someone gets caught in there addictions it is really easy for people to lie to themselves. You know, tell themselves that what they are doing is helping them or that they can't live without it.


Currently, I haven't eaten anything in a while. I don't plan on it either. My little sister Livi has a huge foam egg crate pad for her mattress in her closet that I don't even desire. My mouth does water up from time to time when I smell the sky about to rain. You know! The smell the gravel gives off when it is really humid and earthy outside.

My mom and dad do joke about it sometimes. When my dad and I are out, he never fails to ask me if I'm hungry and if I would like that bench over there (lol). For my mom, I do ask her about her cravings. She says that's why she eats sugar snap peas all the time. She says she has always had the craving for dirt-- but never tried it. She also told me that  my grandmother used to eat corn starch out of the box from the super market (which Johnson's paper powder is made of btw) and to ask her about it. So it does run in the family.

I have done my research and I have found that taking vitamins does stop cravings. I also know that I am anemic and that I can't give blood until my iron comes up :( . 

How did I stop the cravings you may ask? One word: God. I wanted to stop. And He helped me. It wasn't anything but the grace of the Lord. Well, you know that is what I believe. So! To wrap this up, these are some of the reasons I want to go into Psychology. It is definitely one of the mysteries that would be a great book and discovery. Especially since I went through it. Welp, we will see now wont we? Questions? Please, please ask! I share so you are now aware that such things are very common and need attention.

Enjoy me,

annietommie


Getting The Last Word

  It is frustrating to me (sometimes) that it is a struggle to hold my anger. If I feel that I'm right or I feel like I don't want to do something and I can't say what I want then I feel unbalanced. I know I have OCD. So I do realize that the feeling of being unbalanced is ''normal''. I understand the squeezing the joints or keeping beats with my body when I'm under pressure.. but I'm now starting to realize that when I'm speaking to someone my obsessiveness takes a huge toll. If I feel like I didn't ''win'' or say what I wanted to, then I can't focus straight. I feel as though if I don't get revenge then I'm always going to be on edge! "Unbalanced" if you will. Now.. this is what almost got me thrown out the house Saturday night. I felt like my parents were in the wrong and I wanted to say what I wanted. Now, you have to realize that I am African American.. so parents of our culture get upset at back talk. But I could see they held back a lot because of my withdrawing from meds and that I'm going through not going back to HU or even about Thompson. It was a huge boo ha ha. Luckily my Aunt Veronica was in town from NY so she talked to me.

  I just wish if someone did something to me, I wouldn't feel the need to hurt them emotionally. Or even plot how how I would humiliate them. I dunno.

Just random thoughts and observations.

Enjoy me,

annietommie

Another Again

I didn't post the last couple of days, for fear of sounding depressed and whiny. But now I have all my little feelings together, and I feel like whatever in this post isn't anger or a rant. It is just how I feel.

So, um as I type, Thompson is with that girl. How I know? Because I was "twatching" that girl (for those of you that don't know, it is watching someones tweets on twitter). Which was a big mistake. Or was it? The girl was having a conversation on twitter with a friend.. which EVERYONE can see.. including Thompson. But whatever. Anyway, she was talking about a guy that she likes. And when she described him to her friend, it sounded just like Thompson. So I was suspicious. ::super stalker mode:: She was talking about how he is really shy about relationships (soo Thompson). So her friend suggested seeing him and then planting a kiss on him! Now this made my heart drop. I don't know how to describe it. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you-- she unfollowed me on twitter AND steam... Tell me she's not intimidated by me and Thompson's friendship. That made me upset when it happened a couple of days ago.. but then I knew where her motives were. I mean C'MON SON! Every time I or Thompson try to hold a conversation via anything she comes out of no where and interferes. Any comment that irrelevant to her.. She comments on it!! ::takes a breath:: But you know what? I'm cool about it now. You want him? Have him. I don't care anymore. I'm not chasing noooo man. They are meeting right now as I type.

Now after reading this tweeting back and forth that that girl was writing-- frankly I could have destroyed it or more realistically could I have just ruined the 'surprise kiss for Thompson' My sister Pattie had so many destructive plans! (lol) But nahh I'm not going to do that because believe I'm maturing. I don't need to ruin someones happiness for me to feel better. I would just regret it, and maybe lose 13 years of friendship. Clearly someone else is meant for me. And I'll tell ya, all the heartbreak I've had, God has to have a good one. I count on it. I pray on it. Yeah, I do believe in that stuff. I believe in Him. And He will always be there for me. Now.. Now I'll just wait. It just looks like I wasn't ready. Does it hurt to know that that girl got what she wanted? Oh yeah-- it hurts so bad. But I don't let my self shed more tears than needed. Maybe a couple every so often. Nothing more and nothing less. Really, I see it as crying over a loved one who died. Yeah it hurts, shed needed tears, but I will see them someday. In my case, some other girl got what I wanted. Yeah, it hurts-- shed needed tears, then look forward to that great first boyfriend out there for me. :) Am I ugly? Not to to the slightest bit. So there has to be a reason why none of my love interests work out. I have it set in my heart that that someone is out there. This may sound corny, but it is exactly how I feel. I feel it. I feel it in my heart.

(user pic is us at my trunk party summer '11)

"Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you to. Don't forget me :'-)"

I hope you are happy :) because I guess she gives you something I can't! And that's OK.

Enjoy me

annietommie

P.S
THE WALKING DEAD WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
 The poll of the day was if I had ever fell for the bad guy. Well, I wouldn't say bad guy. I would say the popular guy. It was the summer of 2009, just turned 16. My Aunt had a summer day camp in Philly, so she asked my little sister, Pattie, my cousin, Chris and his friend-- Cory to be Christian camp counselor's. Of course we all agreed, haha! Our first job and we were all excited. It was really small because she was branching off another successful 13 year running day camp from our family church (This was her new husband's church)

  Now, I met this Cory before. He was at my 16th birthday party. It was my family, my nerd crew (Yes, that does include Thompson), and I needed some ''cute boys'' for my God sister and childhood friend Sophie, so I asked my cousin's Mike and Chris to bring over some friends. My mom thought it would be nice anyway since we were in between schools (I was leaving my nerd crew and going a town over) to meet some new people... Even though they were boys, it was still cool. It was a great turnout btw. At that time, was he attractive to me? Of course! From what I knew, he was star basketball and football player. All the girls were all over him AND he was tall, dark, muscular and handsome. He was a total dream-- but I really wasn't focused on him because at that time me and Thompson were going through our thing (whatever that means).

  Summer Camp started. There was a little flirting going on here and there. I did ''dress up'' if you want to call my nerdy ways dressing up. I did show some skin (it was summer, lol). I mean, c'mon I was freshly 16. The world was at my finger tips. I was in Philly on weekdays and it was just completely awesome. I felt like I had a life, despite taking care of little snotty kids!) The summer went on-- slight brushing of hands and winks. It progressed to the point when nap time for the campers was taking place, we would sit and talk. (Despite Pattie and Chris eyeballing us-- I mean this was my cousin's best friend with one of his hipster cousins) On a long day waiting for the kids to be picked up, we would sit on the alter and he would lay his head on my lap. I just remember these little details here and there. Just very vague. Little memories that put a slight smile on my face today. Anyway, we talked any chance that we could get. I had a crush and it felt awesome. I can say I sincerely never had this type of crush. Thompson was one thing but.. Maybe this was different because he was 'forbidden' or the fact that it was mutual? I, to this day still don't know.

  Then the big move was made. The kids were napping and we decided to 'nap' too. My phone was suspiciously dead and my Aunt Cheryl hated talkers during nap time, so we used his phone to text. I remember him asking me questions of what I like in a guy (of course I knew where this was going) and I answered. Nap time felt like a minute. But it was okay, because he told me he liked me! I was never told this besides Carols Hutchinson in 7th grade and Thompson's best friend, Darryl Cuff in 3rd grade and Daniel Gray in 5th grade-- so this was a surprise. Nevertheless, it was our little secret for the rest of the summer. It was great whispering and giggling when no one was looking. I liked when he pulled me aside and said my art was beautiful even though the 8 year old clearly out-shined me! This was all dandy until someone found out. We didn't ''go out'' or anything. It was just on mutual ground. Secret walks to the car to get the bibles for the camper's bible study, and the farthest it ever got were really touchy hugs. Typing this, it sounds stupid, but to me-- it was the closest I ever got to a boy at that time... Soon my Aunt caught on and Chris and Pattie followed suit. Then my whole family knew! It was a train wreck. And all that texting and talking on the phone for nights flew out the window. It was like I wasn't good enough for the image or something. It was like I was dropped. Slowly, we, or should I say he stopped texting/calling. It began to hurt and that's when I started to chase. I started to stalk (Facebook was getting popular) I started to go mad! What was I supposed to do? I was 16. I never heard of a teenage summer romance! They only existed in my Sarah Dessen books! I was completely heartbroken-- if I could even say. I really don't remember. I could dig in my box of diaries and capture my feelings in my journal then, but that would be doing extra ;)

  The summer pasted and it was time for me to start my 11th grade year with Pattie (freshman). Didn't know anyone except my cousin's Mike and Chris-- plus the school I was about to attend was the second biggest school in PA! Nothing compared to my old school. I was in for a big one! For the longest, I couldn't look him in they eye. I have vague images of ducking into crowded girls bathrooms with chicks literally swooning over Coryyyyyy and my older cousin Mike. It sucked, because he was always in that hallway for me and Chris's last names were at the end of the alphabet (mom's are sisters). And just to think I was right there! Was I that different? I am embarrassed to say that he was the start of my major depression (uber dramatic huh? :D ) and I am irritated by my past-self that I did actually ::clears throat:: cut over this asshole. A couple of my scars were me trying to rid my thoughts of that long summer. This might seem crazy for whoever is reading. But you have to understand this was my first real 'whatever'. My mom and dad keep all 4 of us girls caged. Homework done. Tennis practice. Bed at 9. Chores done by 8. It was lock down. So for me actually being a little free was great. And for it to be gone because I was different, hurt.

  I guess I was just something a temporary at the time. For those of you who read my bio/ add_me bio, you know I like books, movies, discussing/analyzing, knitting and tennis! So to him, having someone who appreciated a good book and a great game of Roger Fed VS Rafa Nadal was probably some fresh air to the classic ghetto hood girl he was used to. I was suburban, educated and athletic. I now realize we were just something different for each other. And even though it took my whole 11th grade year to realize this-- I know it now :) And that's all that matters.

Enjoy me,

annietommie

The Rambles of Thompson and annietommie

::sigh::

A friend, I have known since I was in first grade.. yes first grade is dissing me for another chick. Well, he might not have said it but his actions say so.. Like if this chick and I post nearly at the same time.. he responds to her! Umm.. what? Have I missed something? You've known this girl for what? Let's count the months: September, October, November, December, and January. Now my turn-- may I count the years? I mean c'mon son! When aim was the game in 7th grade.. we were on there Every. Single. Night. for hours on end! Like it hurts my feelings dude! It really hurts to see conversations repeat itself. Like my Howard roommie Taje' said: Guy's repeat themselves. In this guy.. let's call him....... Thompson, he is doing the exact same things that we did! Like DUDE! How can I stress this! It is like I'm not even there! I remember him buying me books from the yearly book fair when we were in like 4th grade! But of course I wasn't even focused on him! I was looking at Joey Cooper ::sigh:: Time goes on, and we have our little nerd crew lol yeah it was about 9 or 10 of us and we all sat at this lunch table. And when I finally realize that I actually like (YES LIKE) this dude around 9th grade.. it was too late! (Now you have to picture this kid; he is a ''mutt'' as I tease him-- half black and white, but he passes for a kind of mexican/spanish looking dude) He got with this chick.. and she totally destroyed our nerd herd group. No one liked her, everyone knew that it was me and ''Thompson'' who were supposed to get together (smh ninth graders). I mean we literally sat next to each other played footsies our who biology class! Though we denied it to our teacher (smh ninth graders) And it was just a train wreck. Fast forward: This new girl turned out to be a creepy dysfunctional stalker chick who moved to the upper mountains in PA. Now back to me. Mind you I did actually say I liked him.. on valentines day in fact. (smh ninth graders) I don't remember what actually happened that night on aim-- I just remember being nervous, but I did go to bed crying. Fast Forward: All was forgotten even when I moved a town over, still went over his house with the crew, still instant messaged-- which morphed into Facebook and (now converted to STEAMpowered).

It sucks, because I did have, what my little 11 yr old sister calls it, "main crushes". But ''Thompson'' was always there in the back of my head. It sucks how the tables turned. It sucks that I have all these memories of late nights. Extremely recent late nights in fact. Of summer '11 coming home from work at 11 at night and "Thompson" being right there to talk until 4 in the morning. About everything, about nothing. And now, not only do I feel like I'm being replaced,, it's like I don't even matter anymore. It is like all our witty inside jokes common interests like video games, tv, movies and books are being modified into their relationship! If you could imagine how hard it is to watch! (And I'm NOT being nasty or mean.. but she is the most unattractive girl that I have seen in a long while! I'm not trying to be mean-- but I guess that doesn't matter to him right? :/  ) It really sucks because in the fall of '11 I felt like he was getting bolder, like he was going to finally make an adult move! Despite the fact that he was in Virginia and I was in D.C..  But then something happened and she was more active on twitter-- then it went down hill.

Bottom line (I promise it is the bottom (;  ) I don't know what to do! Is it 'on to the next one?' As my girlfriends from HU would say? Or do I do something about it? But then again, do I want a rerun of ninth grade valentines day?? ::grrrroooaaannn::

So my new LJ friends, should I forget about the years of crushing and friendship (uber over dramatic much?!?!)
OR
Should I just deal with it? Even though I have nothing better to do than sit in this house and job hunt because all of my HU friends and nerd crew are away at college >.>

Please,
Enjoy me --

annietommie
Ha! I swear ( ok.. I don't swear), that every. Single. Week-- and it doesn't fail. That my mom or dad will say something smart. To make me feel bad? I dunno. To tick me off? Maybe. I realize they have my best interest (and I know that now since I'm cooled off), but it hurts when they say something that makes me cry. And I just DON'T cry! If I cry, then it is something 'Howard Related'. They kind of stuff it in my face that I didn't do well my first semester. And my counter is 'Give me a break! It isn't my fault you kept me in a cage for 18 years and then when I decided to have fun its a problem'. And then they throw the great ole (And this one is usually from my smart-ass dad) 'Yeah, you had a lot of fun wasting 25,ooo dollars'. In then I throw the underhanded 'I would still be there if certain people could get a loan, my grades had nothing to do with it'. And this goes on for a couple minutes (loooong minutes) until my dad talks about the Marine Corp. And then that's when my mom jumps with the opportunity and throws the screwball where she mentions how she saw an old friend. And this old friend has a daughter that goes to Howard. And then my mom tells me how her old friend can't stop talking about how her daughter matured. OOooooooohhh! This set me off! Me? I have matured! I was fine when I came back for Thanksgiving and Christmas-- it was when I found out that I wasn't going back that gave me that attitude. So this is when I get hot and things start to 'pop off' because I say a couple things and then she decides to pop me in the lips -__________- I'm 18. Yes 18 and she popped me in the lips! What do I look like? Seriously though? And that's when she pitches the change up and she talks about how I've just been sitting here all day. Well aaahh, what am I supposed to do mother? Huh? Please tell! I've worked in retail during High School for over a year. January-March is when they cut down everyone's hours. NO ONE is hiring. Please just leave me alone, let me cope and give me a break. So WHAT your father didn't let you go to Spellman, so you had to go to Temple. I was actually there at Howard, I actually went! I felt love and I made friends.. I was away from home.. and right when I was getting my act together when I actually realized,,, it was like someone turned off the lights and grabbed the carpet from under my feet.

Now, I guess, I'm just waiting to land. :Thinking:: And when I land, I hope it is sweet like Aladdin and Jasmine's. 

And the crazy thing is, if they sleep on the argument, then everything is hunky dory in the morning >.> Shaking my head. To change the perspective: Maybe I am hardheaded. Maybe I do need to 'listen'.

blahhh

I going to watch The Office
Then play a little tf2 :)
Then American Horror Story rerun? Hmm

Biggest Eighteen yr Old Failure...

    I believe I am the literal manifestation of failure for an eighteen year old. Even though my current situation isn't fully my fault, I still feel like a huge bum. I do realize that this probably isn't how I want to start my first post... but I'm thinking "What the heck?" Let me get right into it!

  Let me first start off that I "go", well let me rephrase that, "went" to Howard University for a semester. Yes, a semester. One of the top African American college's in the usa, and it is gone. Well to me it is. I'm "deferring".. I really don't even know what I want anymore. I have the chance to go back, I mean, it wasn't my grades that did the deal.. (well maybe) the big factor was that I couldn't pay the remaining balance. Which to me really, really, really, REALLY pisses me off. I was told all the time that I had such a great FA package. I know people who got loans for more than 10,000 a semester! And all I had to pay was 3,000 and some change. Just to know... that I could still be there. And instead, what am I doing? Rotting in my house in PA watching tv, attempting to look for a job, and masturbating until there is no tomorrow. Haha, don't get me wrong, I know first impressions are vital-- but I'm just keeping it real. I'm no freak. This is just my way of cooping (which is probably back firing because I don't think I'm going to be blessed when I keep sinning). Like seriously, I could be doing so many destructive things right now! Like going back to the olden days where I would rip my skin apart, or even eating things that really shouldn't be eaten by the dirtiest animal. No, instead I'm getting some tension out. Yes, it makes me feel like a dirty pig after,,,,,,, but who cares?

  What is really pathetic, is that I still get on twitter/facebook. Watching all my friends have fun-- drink and party. Stay up/movie night. I mean when I tell you that Howard is the real experience,,,, it is! Being bought up in suburbia Pennsylvania is not all that it is cracked up to be. Yes, I got a great education, Tennis, "Friends", the whole works. But nothing felt like home when I was at my school. There, I wasn't a minority. I was special. It was great. It was exciting. It was love. So no wonder I got "buck wild" there! Laugh Out Loud! Don't get me wrong, I will never EVER have random sex. In fact, I'm still a virgin. I will never use drugs-- I know what addiction feels like. But I did drink socially. Yeah, I had a little fun :) Mom and Dad kept me in the house all the time.. bed time at nine o'clock. 10'clock when I was 16. And I was always asked where I was when going out. So of course when I left the nest I went freedom crazy! So yes, you can guess that my grades didn't look how they did in high school. But like I said, that's not the reason why I'm not there. I just have to finish off this remaining balance...

  Just some surface feelings I wanted to get off my chest. What do I have that is most important to me right now? Reality Shows, Big Bang Theory, The Office, 2 and a Half Men and That 70's Show. Ahhh makes me feel good. Guess I should get back to that useless job hunting. So yeah, I'm extremely pathetic right now. Are other people's lives worst? Yeah! Of course! Have I been lower in life? Oh you don't know the half of it-- but if you continue to read about me, my past shall show itself. Man I was a fucked up teenager..

Enjoy me,

annietommie